I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she peed on how many people?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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