omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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