he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
