So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
