he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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