i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
