Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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