dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
