im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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