i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
smell my finger.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
