i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
