Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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