What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize