So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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