i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
