He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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