how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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