capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
