I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
