At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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