Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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