Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize