I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
