After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
3pm strippers are depressing
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
