I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize