i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
