Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
