I think my fart just growled at me.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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