Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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