"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize