The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
