So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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