So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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