fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
