yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize