I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
