The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
