so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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