I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
