why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
