who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
