you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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