I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize