girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
