I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
How's work?
Spinning.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize