So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
