Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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