i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
