Your dad touched me again.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
