the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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