Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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