dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
