Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
