You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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