I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
