First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
