Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
