I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
