This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
