Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
