we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
