I don't usually arrange sex via text message
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
