You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Success! We fucked roommates!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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