dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The Olympian is in my bed
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
