I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
