Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
