the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Randomize
