this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
