i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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