I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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