She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
