its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
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