have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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