What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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